30 Romance Dawns
by Astrid-Myrna
Summary: Thanks to amethystturtle, I have also signed up for the One Piece 30 entries challenge on live journal! 30 stories, 30 themes, 3 months of LuffyxNami fics! Most are rated T, but some will be rated M, but I will put a warning for those in the AN.
1. Princess

Pirates and Pratfalls

"You are now standing in front of a magnificent castle covered with thick, thorny vines. This is the castle where your Princess Nami sleeps, and only after the curse of a hundred years end or the kiss from her true love can awaken her and break the Pirate King's spell. Or you can continue your quest to defeat the Pirate King. What do you choose?" Chopper squeaked before cackling with excitement.

"I dunno, Luffy, those thorns look preeeetty scary!" Usopp quivered as he eyed the little black spot on the map, "You're powerful enough to take on the PK by yourself, I think."

Nami smacked Usopp upside the head, "Shut up, you're already dead! Luffy, wake me up before I strangle you!"

"But aren't you asleep?" he asked and cocked his head.

"Yeah Nami, you're asleep, so you can't do anything to Luffy!" Chopper piped up only to shrink under her death-glare.

"Ah-well, I'll wake up Nami! What do I do, Pirate King Chopper?"

Chopper jumped and said, "Oh! Well, for an admiral, to get through the first level of thorns, you have to roll under 30."

Luffy rolled the two twenty-sided dice and got a twenty-eight.

"Yosh!" Luffy chuckled, "I cut through the first level of thorns!"

"Go Luffy!" Usopp cheered.

"Ok, the second level of thorns are thicker and deadlier than before. Roll under 25, you get through but are poisoned. Roll under 20 and you get through not-poisoned."

"All riiight!" he cried out and threw the dice. Thirteen.

"YOOOOSH!" Luffy, Usopp, and Chopper all cheered. Even Nami grinned.

"Ok, to cut through the last level of the deadliest of deadly thorns you have to roll under fifteen!"

"Go Luffy!" Usopp cheered again.

"C'mon, Luffy!" Chopper giggled.

"You can do it!" Nami cheered also, fist clenched and ready to roll the dice after Luffy.

"Here-we-GOOO!" Luffy shouted as he threw the dice.

Sixteen.

"NOOOOOO!" they all shrieked.

"He just gets poisoned, right Chopper?" demanded Nami, her hands twitching, "He can still save me right?"

"Well, uh…let's see," Chopper croaked as he searched through the Pirate King's manual. All three leaned in when the reindeer finally stopped at a page and announced, "Oh look, there's a quote here, 'And from time to time many Kings' sons came and tried to force their way through the hedge; but it was impossible for them to do so, for the thorns held fast together like strong hands, and the young men were caught by them, and not being able to get free, there died a lamentable death.' Sadly, this…uh…admiral, has suffered the same fate."

"What does that mean?" Luffy asked, cocking his head to the side again.

Nami groaned, "It means you're dead, Luffy."

"And I still am the Pirate King! Yahoo! I won!" Chopper danced with the Pirate King Manual, "I'm the Pirate King! I'm the Pirate King! I'm gonna go tell Zoro and Robin and everybody!" he announced before dancing out of the dining room.

Usopp chased after him, "Wait for me, Chopper! I want to tell them how magnificent I was before you doooo…"

Nami sighed, "I guess we'll have to clean up the game then."

"But I'm hungry…" Luffy moaned, "Cutting through all those thorns made me hungry!"

Nami tossed some gamepieces into the box, "Yeah, well you don't get anything because you didn't cut through all the thorns to save me."

"If I was really there, I would have cut through all of them!" he tossed the rest of the game pieces in the box.

"I don't doubt that. But what would you have done when you got into the castle? I'm under a sleeping curse, remember? And you weren't a mage."

"I think Chopper said you either had to wait a hundred years or your true love had to kiss you. So I'd bring you to town and have everyone kiss you until you woke up!"

Nami's face flushed into a beet red, and a well-worn vein at the top of her forehead throbbed, "That's disgusting."

"It's the only way to wake you up, isn't it?"

"It's…but…I…"

_He wouldn't understand, not at all if he came up with that!_ she thought.

"I'm a princess, damn it! I can't just be kissed by _anybody!_"

Nami scrunched up the game map into a tiny ball before hurling it into the game box.

"I dunno why you're getting so mad. It's just a game," said Luffy, nodding at his own logic.

Suddenly, the door swung open and the rest of the crew crowded inside to play the game.

"Is it true that I get the chance to kiss Nami-swan? " Sanji sang.

"No, because I'm going outside to take a break," Nami sighed before storming outside.

"_Ahhh!_" whined Sanji, Franky, Brook, and Chopper.

"Never mind her, I'm going to play the Pirate King!" Usopp announced, then gasped when he saw the crushed map, "_WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO THE MAP?"_

"Is Nami all right?" Robin murmured to Luffy as the other nakama comforted Usopp over the desecration of his brand-new game map.

Luffy shrugged, "I guess she doesn't like losing."

****

AN: So yeah, I'm doing that 30 stories of One Piece thing on livejournal. I've claimed LuffyXNami, and just couldn't wait for a confirmation to write this!


	2. Brother

AN: ~pops in 'How To Train Your Dragon' CD and 'Forbidden Friendship' begins to play….~

Chapter 574

"Nami, can I pleeeeease borrow some money?" Luffy whined, on his knees, surrounded by the stacks of comic books he had just bought.

Nami sipped her coffee, "What happened to the money I just gave you?"

"Well you see, Usopp and I—"

"Keep me out of it," Usopp grumbled as he read volume three of the fifty-eight volumes of the series they bought.

"We, I mean, I, got lost looking for a meat stand so I asked a guy reading one of these where the nearest meat stand was and he said that they don't sell meat in this town. He was really nice and he said he'd bring me something to eat and he lent me his comic to read when—"

"I think I get what happened now, Luffy," she sighed, "But right now we're strapped for cash, so I can't give you anymore than I've already given you."

"Ahhh, but Nami, there's five more volumes—" he whined again, but Nami's death-glare stopped him in his tracks.

"_We do not have the money_," Nami growled, then her face returned to normal, "Besides, you have plenty and looks about time to go."

Just as she checked her watch, Franky, Zoro, and the rest of the crew returned with their goods. Chopper nearly fainted from excitement when he saw the books surrounding Luffy and Usopp.

"You actually got _books_, Luffy and Usopp?" he skipped to read the first volume, and his eyes grew wider, "Wow, look at all the cool pictures!"

Franky flipped through the pages, "Eh, I've seen better."

"I'd have to disagree with you there. I find this art exquisite!" said Brook as he observed one fight scene.

"C'mon, we better get going," Zoro grumbled, already walking towards the port.

The next few days on the ship were the quietest they had ever been. To everyone's astonishment, all Luffy did was sit and read his comics. No one thought he could sit still for five minutes, let alone five hours just to read. To make the situation even odder, he read as he ate, fished, and went to the bathroom.

"I know they're good," Chopper told Robin as he mashed the ingredients for his new medicine, "but I didn't think Luffy would like them that much!"

"Yes, even Usopp lost interest in the series," said Robin as she handed Chopper another flower bud, "and I always thought that Usopp would like detective stories more than Luffy too."

"Why's that?"

She smiled, "Because Detective Sterling is a wonderful liar."

Nami poked her head in the doctor's room.

"Looking for something, Nami?" Robin asked.

"Yeah, have you guys seen Luffy? He left one of his stupid comics in one of my tangerine trees!"

"You can always put it in the library," Robin suggested.

"No way! I'm making him do it, because he always has them lying around," she sighed, "If you see him, let him know that I'm looking for him!"

And with that she closed the door and rushed off. Chopper let out a nervous laugh and whimpered, "I'm surprised she hasn't killed him yet."

Robin only nodded and gave him another flower bud.

_Of all places_, Nami seethed, _of all places he had to put it, my tangerine tree! He probably stole some tangerines too. _

BANG! She threw open the boys' bedroom door. There he was, sleeping in one of the bottom bunks, hand hanging at his side and yet _another_ comic book on the floor. Nami picked it up as well, figuring it'd hurt twice as much if she hit him with two comic books instead of just one. However, a screaming yellow text box caught her eye—

_Of all the terrible misfortunes Detective Sterling has suffered_, it read, _there is none greater than the loss of his own brother at the hands of the despicable Doctor Devastation_.

Nami glanced at Luffy, who was still snoring. Her eyes fell on the two-page spread of Detective Sterling carrying the body of his dead brother out a collapsed mine-shaft. She turned the page and gasped at the panel-by-panel shots of the detective falling to his knees, covered head-to-toe in soot. His tears carved two clean paths on his blackened skin.

She shivered and thought, _It's a comic. A comic. There's no way that…_

Her trembling fingers flipped through the pages, searching for some assurance that the brother wasn't dead. The bold, colorful pages dimmed to grays and blacks as Detective Sterling and some other old man dug a deep hole in some open field, carefully laid the brother into a wooden box, and buried him. The last three panels showed a bush of rosemary growing from the grave. She looked up at Luffy again and jumped when she saw that he was looking up at her.

"L-Luffy!" she said in a squeaky voice, "I didn't know you were awake! I-I was looking for you because you left one of your comics in my tree and I picked this one up too and maybe, maybe you shouldn't be reading these."

He didn't say anything but continued to stare at her.

"You…you read it, didn't you?" she said, closing the book.

He only nodded.

Softly she asked, "Are you all right?"

He shook his head and planted his face in his pillow. She took a step back; he probably wanted to be left alone. She took a step forward, because she didn't want to leave him alone like this. She took another step forward; she didn't want him to become bitter like she had when Bellemère died.

"You know, I can get you the next volume," she suggested a little too cheerfully, "they probably revived the brother or something."

"That was the last book I bought," his monotone, muffled voice answered.

"Oh…" the stinging weight of guilt weighed on her mind, "I know! Usopp's a good drawer, so maybe you two can make your own comic about what happens next."

Luffy lifted his face out of the pillow and wore the most forced smile she had ever seen, "Thanks, but I'll just wait until I buy the next volume."

"O-Okay," she nodded and weakly smiled, "I guess I'll put these back in the library."

_I tried_, she thought, _I tried, but I guess…_

She turned, her face already scrunching up and wanting to cry. After a few steps, Luffy called out, "Wait, Nami!"

She froze and turned her head, "What's wrong?"

"You can stay here if you want."

She turned all the way, "I can?"

"Yeah. You don't have to, but you can if you want," and he made a small, but genuine, smile.

"All right," she said and smiled too, "but I'm terrible at comforting people."

He chuckled, "That's all right."

She kneeled next to his bunk and piled the books by her knees. Luffy folded both his arms under his pillow and sighed. It was quiet for a long while before Nami opened the book she found in the tangerine tree. Detective Sterling and his elder brother and Private Eye Charlie had just solved the case of the Riddling Reptile and now the femme fatale, Jane Seymour brought them a new case to solve, which was—

_Creeak_. Luffy scooted over to the edge of the bed to see what Nami was reading. He jumped when Nami started reading out loud, "'On Dodo Island, someone had stolen the rare Golden Dodo, and whoever brings back the Golden Dodo alive will be richly rewarded' said…uh, Jane Seymour, 'Detective Sterling, the reward is rich enough to pay off all the money you owe me, including interest!'"

Luffy moved into the center of the bed and rested his heavy head on the pillow.

"'Interest!' Detective Sterling shouted in italics, 'My dear Ms. Seymour, I owe you no interest, especially after we saved you from that awful kraken!' Charlie added, 'The Devil's Eye?' Oh no, wait, I read the wrong panel. 'I knew what I was doing all along, and you lost me my Devil's Eye!' said Jane. 'The Devil's Eye?' asked Charlie. Ah, that makes much more sense now…"

She continued reading until Detective Sterling and Private Eye Charlie ran away from the angry tribe of dodos flinging their poop at them, expecting a burst of laughter from Luffy. However, he was fast asleep. Nami closed the book and stretched her arms.

_I wonder how long…_ she mused and then bit the bottom of her lip, _What do I expect? It's only been a few months since it happened. If the same thing happened with me and Nojiko, I don't what I'd be like in a few months. And it's all this stupid comic's fault, reminding him of Ace, all this stupid, stupid—_

Her eyes were glued to cover of the comic, where the mystery-solving brothers were flying on a giant flying golden dodo. She sniffed and rubbed her eyes. There was nothing more she could do, and she felt a little sick to her stomach when she realized that the comics were more of a comfort to him than she was. She wished she could take away his pain, his heartache…but she couldn't. Only the comic could do that, at least for a while anyway. She couldn't.

So she kissed his cheek lightly instead. His face twinged, but he continued to sleep anyway. He never knew about it, nor would he ever know about it. Even Nami admitted it was pointless to do such a thing in such a cowardly fashion. But, pointless or not, recognized or not, the action still took place with all the best of intentions.


	3. Baseball

bTitle:/b Honesty Is The Best Policy

bTheme:/b Baseball

bClaim:/b LuffyxNami

(bWords:/b)1280

bRating:/b G for Geekiness

bWarnings:/b May make you feel incredibly nostalgic

bDisclaimers:/b

AN: That last one was so sad. Time to bring back the happy!

lj-cut text="Optional text here"

"Oi, Nami, let's play catch!" Luffy shouted and waved a well-worn baseball in the air.

Nami sighed, glad to be able to breathe fresh air again. Everyone was sick in bed from eating the fish Usopp caught for dinner last night, everyone except for Luffy and Nami of course. Neither of them had an appetite after the whole comic-book incident.

"I guess for a little while," Nami called back, "but then we have to go back to work, ok?"

"Okaaaay!" Luffy said and chucked the ball at her.

She ducked out of its way and the ball smashed against mast.

"NOT SO HARD!" she screamed and threw the ball twice as fast as before. It flew past Luffy and over the railing, but Luffy stretched his arm to catch it but a wave swallowed up the ball and Luffy's arm stretched back empty-handed.

"Awww!" he cried out, "Now what are we going to play with?"

Nami opened her mouth to answer but nothing came out as she fell over on the grass. Luffy fell and rolled around as well as the ship rocked violently on the now turbulent seas. A colossus being made of seawater rose up from the deepest depths, wielding a trident of sea stone and wearing a crown of whalebone.

"Who is the captain of this ship?" it bellowed.

"I am. What are you?" Luffy asked, picking his nose.

Nami said nothing, as she was hiding behind the staircase.

"I am Mercon, lord of these waters. Your baseball has fallen into my home. Is this your baseball?"

A stream of bubbles lifted up a great and beautiful golden baseball the size of Luffy's head. Better yet, it was laced with thousands of dazzling rubies. Nami zoomed to Luffy's side, yelling, "YES! THAT'S OUR BASEBALL! THAT'S OUR BASEBALL!"

"That's not our baseball," Luffy told Mercon.

"Who is this woman?" the sea giant rumbled.

"Nami, my navigator!"

"I see, so this really is not your baseball?"

Nami whispered in Luffy's ear, "Look, we can really use the money right now. Just tell him that it's our baseball so he'll leave us alone and we'll have some spending money!"

Luffy smiled and told Mercon again, "Sorry, that's not ours."

"IDIOT!" Nami shrieked and punched the side of his head, which sprang back and nearly smacked Nami in the face.

"I see," said Mercon, and the glorious ball fell back into the ocean, "Then perhaps, this is your baseball?"

Rising on a new stream of bubbles was a larger and more magnificent baseball made of the purest silver and lined with the clearest sapphires and diamonds Nami had ever seen. Her jaw dropped and her eyes changed into sparkling Beli signs.

"That's not ours either," said Luffy.

"NO!" Nami screamed and grabbed Luffy by his vest collar, "Just tell him its ours, cuz its ours. It was ours all along!"

"Navigator, did you not say that the golden baseball was yours as well?" asked Mercon.

Nami stood rooted to the spot, but did not loosen her grip on Luffy's vest, "Well…well, the golden one belongs to one of our crewmates! It must have fallen in the water when we weren't looking."

Mercon raised a watery eyebrow, but moved his attention back to Luffy, "Are you sure that this is not your ball?"

"Yeah. Ours wasn't that big. Or shiny."

Like the gold one, the silver baseball fell back into the ocean. Nami tightened her grip on Luffy, hoping that the next baseball that came up would be as grand as the last two.

"If you don't say that the next one is ours—" she hissed at him.

"Is this baseball yours?"

"YES!" they both shouted, Nami still glaring at Luffy and Luffy looking up at Mercon.

Their old baseball fell on the grass. Nami fell to her knees, completely flabbergasted. Why hadn't this ball been made out of crystal, or million-dollar Belli notes? Why…

Luffy picked up the ball, "Yup, this is our baseball. Thanks for finding it!"

Mercon bowed, "And thank you, captain, for your honesty."

Something clicked in Nami's brain, and she was up on her feet again.

"Wait! I remember this story now!" she shouted as she pointed at Mercon, "Because Luffy answered honestly, he gets the reward of all three baseballs!"

Mercon opened his eyes wide in surprise, "Story? What story?"

Luffy cocked his head to side, "And why would he give me the other balls? They aren't mine. They belong to someone else."

"They belong to Mercon to give as a reward for people who answer honestly!"

Mercon shook his head, "Is she always this difficult?"

Luffy shrugged, "Sometimes. Especially if there's money involved."

Seething now, Nami yanked Luffy's throat and shrieked, "DIFFICULT? I'LL GIVE YOU DIFFICULT!"

Mercon watched for a few moments as Nami proceeded to throttle Luffy, then curled his index and thumb fingers together and flicked Nami across the lawn.

"NAMI!" Luffy cried as he rushed to her side, "Are you all right, Nami?"

Wind knocked out of her, all she could do was nod and fight for her breath to come back. He patted her back until she was able to breathe all right again, then stood up and yelled at Mercon, "What did you do that for? She wasn't doing anything to you!"

Mercon frowned, "She was choking you."

"I don't care what she was doing, YOU DON'T HURT HER!" he punched his fist into his hand, "If you do anything to her, then I'll kick your ass!"

Mercon snorted and he said sarcastically, "I imagine so. Well, I wouldn't want get my ass kicked, so I will leave now. Good bye."

And so the great sea king Mercon sank into the ocean, never to be seen by the Strawhats again.

Luffy walked back to the other side of the lawn and picked up the old baseball. He smiled and said, "C'mon, Nami, let's play catch again!"

She shook her head and coughed, "I'm not in the mood, Luffy."

Frowning now, Luffy walked towards her and whined, "C'mooon, Nami. We finally got the baseball we can play with!"

"Wait…wait a minute. You picked that ball not because it was ours…but because we could play with it?"

He squatted in front of her, "Well yeah. You wouldn't want to play with the other baseballs, you would just hide them."

"That's true. They would have been in my treasure chest right now if you had chosen them!" she sighed, and pushed her hair back and behind her ears, "Well, I guess since you helped me after Mercon hit me like that, I guess I can still play catch with you."

Luffy jumped with joy then ran across the lawn, ready to pitch to Nami. Looking from the girls' bedroom window, Robin watched as the small ball rose and fell across the lawn. She chuckled a little to herself when Nami finally started smiling and laughing, then wrapped her hand around her mouth and ran into the bathroom to finish off last night's dinner.

AN: It feels so weird using all caps sometimes. And is it just me, or were there a lot of "That's what SHE said!" moments here? Also, Mercon's name consists of two French words, "Mer" which means "sea" and "con," which means "idiot" or "dickhead" but is also the first half of the word "conque" which means "conch", like the conch of order from "Lord of the Flies." So yay, name meanings.

/lj-cut


	4. Surprise

bTitle:/b Tangerines Over Flowers

bTheme:/b Surprise

bClaim:/b LuffyxNami

(bWords:/b) 744

bRating:/bD for Diabetes

bWarnings:/b So sickly sweet it may give you diabetes.

bDisclaimers:/b I honestly have no idea how long a certain thing in the story takes, so let's cut me some slack and ballpark it to a couple of months. That and I have too much fun with Sanji's compliments

lj-cut text="Optional text here"

The next day was a wonderfully warm one with swift and steady breezes. Chopper and Usopp took turns pushing each other on the swing while Luffy, Franky, and Brook played monkey-in-the-middle with Luffy's old baseball. Also enjoying the sunshine were Nami and Robin, who were hard at work pruning their plants.

"The tangerine blossoms have a lovely scent." Robin mused aloud.

"Yeah, they smell so sweet!" she squealed and hugged the tree she was pruning, "I'm so glad they were saved from the Aqua Laguna!"

Robin rubbed a newly-clipped leaf between her fingers, "I wonder if captain…"

"What about him?"

Clip. Clip. Clip.

Robin curled her fingers around the leaf, "I was wondering if captain-san liked the smell of tangerine blossoms too."

Clip. Pause. Clip.

"I wouldn't see why not." Nami mumbled.

Clip-clip-clip-clip.

"Ah, be careful!" Robin said and picked up the delicate white flower, "May I?"

Nami nodded and Robin carefully tucked the blossom behind her ear.

"It looks pretty on you."

Blushing under Robin's warm smile, Nami stammered, "Th-thank you."

"Maybe Captain-san will think so also?"

"Doubt it." she laughed, "I don't think he likes flowers!"

"I loooove flowers, Nami-swan!" Sanji sang as he popped up from the stairs with a pair of peach lemonades, "May I offer some drinks for you hard-working ladies?"

They both put down their clippers and accepted the ice-cold drinks.

"Thank you, cook-san," Robin cooed.

"Your most welcome, Robin-swan," he said and bowed, "and I must say, you have the loveliest smile!"

Chuckling, Robin added, "And don't you think that Nami is also looking lovely today?"

"Lovely?" his heart-shaped eyes fell upon her, "There is no word sufficient to describe her beauty! And with a flower in her hair, like a mermaid or a tropical princess, her beauty is exalted even more!"

Both girls chuckled and thanked Sanji again for his kind words, but as soon as she was done pruning and went up to her map room, Nami threw away the flower and covered it with scrunched-up mapping paper. Alone and in the dark she sat there, wiping her wet face with trembling fingers.

***

A couple of months later

He couldn't sleep. No matter how much he twisted, tossed, and turned he just could not sleep! Sitting up and rubbing the back of his head, he debated on whether or not he should wake up Chopper to get some sleeping medicine. But medicine tasted bad. Didn't know why the crewmates took it to get rid of their stomach bug. Well, it got rid of the stomach bug in a day instead of two or three, but it still tasted bad. He'd rather throw-up for three days than have to eat that stuff.

He turned and picked up his pillow to fluff it to see if that would help, but froze mid-fluff. Moonlight flooding from the window illuminated three partially-squashed tangerines. Throat dry, Luffy picked one of them up and rolled it in his palm. He sniffed it. He peeled a little bit of it and tasty the tangy-sweet fruit. Already the sweet scent of tangerine perfumed the air.

They really were tangerines. Nami's tangerines.

But she said they weren't ripe enough yet for Sanji to cook them. He finished eating the one and tried another, which was still a little too sour but not too bad either. The last one was the sweetest. Perhaps Nami gave these to him because she wasn't sure if they were ripe enough. But why would she hide them under his pillow?

Piling the rinds up, he pondered about this pleasant surprise. He placed his pillow on top of the rinds and rested his head upon it. Perhaps the surprise was for Sanji, who slept in the bunk bed next to him. Perhaps Nami was testing him and he wasn't supposed to eat the tangerines at all. Or maybe she did, but—

He stopped thinking about it and finally fell asleep, his dreams full of sunshine and tangerine groves.

AN: I got this idea from listening to the Beach Boy's song, "Wild Honey." I wonder why….kekekeke.

So yeah, as you can tell, I'm ATTEMPTING to have all these stories be linked together in some way, but I may need to do a couple of 'filler' stories. And seriously, who doesn't like a little filler every now and again?

/lj-cut


	5. Trap

This fic follows after "Surprise" and references "Brother."

A/N: HI ALL! THANK YOU ALL FOR WAITING SO LONG FOR ME TO FRIGGIN' UPDATE!

And I'm happy to tell you that I did get to finish all 30 fics within the time limit, and the Gold Roger Award is mine! However, I had to sacrifice time used to give these fics a look over and upload them. So, I should be uploading much more frequently now! But, I'm still going to go over the fics and make changes where need be, because the closer it got to the deadline, the more erratic my writing became. I even did a second gen! :O

Anywho, if you haven't seen already, "We Came For Woodstock" is now up, and those were actually two of the entries for 30 One Piece. But that's rated M (the first two chapters aren't, but later there will be some rated M stuff in it).

XXXX

"JUST ADMIT THAT YOU STOLE NAMI'S TANGERINES!" Sanji screamed, steam puffing out of his ears.

"No I didn't," Luffy said, his arms folded.

"Then how do you explain THESE?"

Sanji produced a small pile of curling tangerine rinds from his hand. Brook, who had been calmly sipping his tea in the once quiet dining room, choked on the hot liquid.

"They were under my pillow last night," Luffy said pointing at the rinds.

"You mean you HID them under your pillow last night!" Sanji slammed his palms on the dining table.

"No, I found them there. And how did you find them under my pillow?"

"I don't need Chopper's nose to smell them, you moron!"

"So you don't know who put them there, Luffy-san?" Brook cut in, his voice light and airy.

"No, do you know?"

"NO!" he said and nearly dropped his tea cup, "I mean, no, I don't know who put them there."

Sanji zoomed up into Brook's face and hissed, "You didn't steal Nami's tangerines and give them to Luffy, did you?"

"No-no-no! I only learned about all this just now!"

Fire sparked in Sanji's eyes. "You were on watch last night."

"As were Zoro and Usopp! Ask them, ask them!"

"Hmmmm…" Sanji leaned away and lit a new cigarette. "I wouldn't put it past marimo to do something as heartless as stealing Nami-swan's tangerines. All right then, Luffy! You're washing dishes until the rest of the tangerines ripen!"

"WHAT?" Luffy cried, "Why are you making me do that? I told you I didn't steal them!"

After taking another drag, Sanji replied, "You still ate her beloved tangerines."

"What's with all the noise?" Nami grumbled as she stumbled in, rubbing one of her eyes.

"This one," Sanji pointed at Luffy, "has eaten the only ripened tangerines!"

"That's because I gave them to him."

Silence. Complete and utter silence, then—

"EH?"

She sat at the table and poured herself a cup of tea.

"I TOLD YOU I DIDN'T STEAL THEM!" Luffy yelled triumphantly, "Thank you for the food, Nami!"

"No problem," she smiled as she sipped her tea.

Sanji, pale as ghost, stuttered, "B-but why?"

"The first tangerines to ripen always taste the worst," Robin answered as she followed Nami into the room, "Am I right, Nami?"

"The worst. Only Luffy would be able to eat them and still think they're good."

"They were yummy!" Luffy piped up and grabbed at the teapot and a teacup.

"But…why hide them under his pillow? That almost seems like—" Sanji squeaked and what little was left of his cigarette fell out of his mouth.

"I'm sorry, Sanji-kun, I didn't want to make you upset about me giving Luffy tangerines, even if they are bad tangerines," she smiled and slightly blushed, "I hope you can forgive me."

"MELLORINE! " Sanji sang, "You don't need to apologize to me, Nami-swan! I'll just wait a few more days to make my Tangerine Dream Breakfast!"

"Good!" she chuckled and took another sip of tea. Her face burned red under Robin's serene gaze, and she was glad that Luffy was too busy slurping tea to notice.

Brook rose and asked, "Shall I make more tea?"

BAM! The kitchen door flew open and Usopp burst in, wheezing and panting as though he'd seen a ghost.

"Nami's tangerines…THEY'RE GONE!"

"We've already established that, shit-head!" Sanji barked.

"Nami gave them to me, and they were tasty!"

Usopp's eyes nearly popped out of his head, "NO! It's a trap, Luffy! I…I mean-" he cast a nervous glance at Nami and whispered, "Come outside, I need to tell you something important."

"But I haven't had breakfast yet."

"IT CAN WAIT—I mean, Sanji's still making breakfast! What I have to tell you is—AH, JUST COME OVER HERE!"

He yanked Luffy out of the dining room and pulled him into the sick bay, where the little reindeer paced the floor and fiddled with his stethoscope.

"I finally got him, Chopper!"

Chopper clasped his hooves. "Good. Are we too late?"

Nodding, Usopp curled his fist and said, "We have. Do a diagnosis, we might save him yet!"

"Wha? Wha's goin' on?" Luffy asked as Chopper opened his mouth and stuck a wooden tongue depressor in Luffy's mouth.

"I don't see anything out of the ordinary here," he said and threw the stick away. Pressing the stethoscope against Luffy's chest, he asked, "When did you eat the tangerines, Luffy?"

"Last night."

"How many?"

"Three. What's the matter with you two? Did you guys want one too or something?"

"No, then we would get poisoned!" Chopper gasped, dropping the stethoscope.

"Poisoned?"

"Not necessarly poisoned, but 'altered'. Remember in Detective Sterling volume 34—"

"You're reading those again?" Luffy smiled.

"Yeah, and it's a good thing I did! Remember when Jane Seymour gave Detective Sterling those 'altered' apples and he became her zombie-slave for the next three volumes? Well, at first I didn't think anything of it, but when I saw those missing tangerines—it looks like Nami's doing the exact same thing, but with tangerines!"

"Tangerines!" Chopper wailed, pulling on the brim of his hat.

"But I don't feel like a zombie-slave."

"Hmm…maybe not now you don't," said Usopp and rubbed his chin. "Maybe the tangerines activate when you least expect it! However…"

"However?" Chopper and Luffy asked.

"However, I remember that after every time Detective Sterling pooped, the effects of the apples stopped until he ate another apple." Usopp looked at Luffy straight in the eye, an aura of utmost seriousness coming off him. "Did you already poop today, Luffy?"

"Yeah."

"WOO-HOO! He's saved!" Usopp and Chopper cheered and danced. Luffy clapped his hands and joined them, shouting out, "I'm saved! I'm saved!"

"Now you have to remember, Luffy," Usopp continued, his aura of seriousness returning, "that you can't have any more of Nami's tangerines, especially if she gives them to you."

"Eh? Why?"

"BECAUSE SHE'LL TURN YOU INTO A ZOMBIE-SLAVE!" Chopper and Usopp yelled at him, blowing Luffy's hat off his head.

"Oh right. I don't want to be a zombie-slave! But…but Sanji's making his special Tangerine Dream breakfast once the tangerines ripen. If Sanji's preparing the tangerines, then I'm sure—"

"NO! We don't want to take any chances!" Chopper squeaked.

"Nami thinks she can fool you, but you have to show her that you won't be made into her zombie-slave!" Usopp added.

"You'll be at her beck and call all day and night like Sanji!"

"It'll be hell!"

"Worse than hell!"

Only two inches away from his face, Usopp and Chopper yelled together in one breath, "SO DON'T EAT ANY MORE TANGERINES!"

"Ok, ok! I won't eat any more tangerines. Uwaa!" Luffy screamed and fell backwards, slamming the back of his head on the door.

Usopp folded his arms and nodded, "Good. Now let's get breakfast."

XXXX

Some Days Later

"Oi, oi! We slept in, Usopp!" Chopper cried as he shook the sniper's arm, "We'll miss breakfast if we don't hurry!"

"Mrmrmr—what?" snorted Usopp.

"I don't want to miss breakfast!"

"Breakfast? Aieeee, breakfast!"

Quick as fried fish, Usopp and Chopper ran out of the boys' bedroom, scrambled across the lawn, hopped up the stairs, and skidded into the kitchen to find—

Tangerine omelets, tangerine pancakes with tangerine preserves, tangerine buckwheat waffles, fresh-squeezed tangerine juice, peeled tangerine slices next to a bowl of whip cream, rice with baked tangerines on top, tangerine fruit toast, a steaming pot of tangerine tea, and Luffy stuffing his face while everyone else helped themselves to Sanji's Tangerine Dream.

"Heppnchop! H'vesmebikfist!" greeted Luffy, his cheeks expanding as he stuffed more food into his mouth.

"YOU TRAITOR!" Usopp shrieked, his nose and finger pointed at Luffy, "NOW YOU'LL BECOME ONE OF NAMI'S ZOMBIE-SLAVES!"

"He'll become my what?" said Nami, eyebrows raised.

"Ignore them, Nami-swan. What do you think of my tangerine fruit toast?" Sanji clasped his hands, his cheeks already rosy from earlier compliments.

She smiled at him, "Delicious, of course."

"And you, Robin-chan?"

"I can't have enough," she cooed.

"MELLORINE! " he cried out before passing out from ecstasy.

"FINE! Be a zombie-slave Luffy! Don't say I neve—CHOPPER! NOT YOU TOO!"

But Chopper wasn't listening to a word anyone was saying—he was too busy immersing himself in the Tangerine Dream.

"Quit yelling and eat!" Franky grumbled before stuffing another five waffles in his mouth.

"But…but—"

"Either eat or be quiet," said Zoro, who put down his tea, "It's too early in the morning to hear you yelling about zombie-slaves."

"Why did you tell Luffy-san that eating tangerines would make him into a zombie-slave?" asked Brook.

Usopp didn't answer. Instead, he quietly sat down at the table, picked up a couple of tangerine omelets, and began to eat. He made a mental note to steal a laxative from Chopper's medicine cabinet after everyone finished eating.

"Need a napkin, Luffy?" Nami asked, holding the red cloth napkin out for a few seconds before Luffy snatched it and stuffed into his cheeks. A vein popped in her forehead and she orded, "Sanji-kun!"

The cook awoke from his coma and sat up straight as a board, "Yes, Nami-swan?"

"Get the napkin back."

Sanji cracked his knuckles, "With pleasure. SPIT OUT THAT NAPKIN!"

Midnight, Up In The Library

"What an eventful morning, Robin."

"Indeed," she replied, then a soft chuckle, "I'm surprised that Sanji didn't completely eviscerate Luffy. He must have been quite upset that Nami gave those tangerines to Luffy, not him."

"This is still so…shocking. When I saw her crying months ago, and that flower in the trashcan…did she ever tell you why she was crying?"

"No, but I can only guess. Maybe she was frustrated, maybe she was scared, only she knows. But we can't ask her."

"Oh no, not at all."

"But I was thinking—"

"Hmm?"

"I was thinking that maybe we could help the both of them. It would be interesting, don't you think?"

A long pause. Robin took another sip of coffee.

"Ah, I don't know, Robin. We shouldn't force this."

"I never said, 'force,' I said 'help.'"

"Yes, but your way of 'helping' sometimes is not always so helpful."

"Oh? Well, since you're in on this secret too, perhaps you would give me a hand? Make sure I'm 'helping' and not 'forcing?'"

He put his own coffee cup down, "I suppose I might as well, eh? I'll make sure your plan isn't too 'intrusive.'"

"It's not, but I'm glad to have some help. I don't want to ruin things for them either, you know. I want them to be happy."

"As do I, as do I. Especially since I owe such a great debt to them." After a great, shuddering breath, he chuckled, "Yohohohohoho. Let's get started!"

XXXX

Reviews are appreciated, and thank you again to everyone that has reviewed before!


	6. Swan

A/N: Just so you all know, I've changed these stories from 'T' to 'M' because later stories will contain mature content. However, most of these would be rated T, and I will give you warning for the ones rated M and why.

XXXX

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY NAMI!" everyone chimed together in warbly voices then cheered for the birthday girl, who was red in the face and adjusting the diamond tiara Sanji had given her as an early birthday present.

"Thank you everyone!" she said after she blew out the candles for her three-layer tangerine cake. "Now for presents!"

"But we haven't eaten the ca—" Luffy started before being kicked in the face by Sanji.

"It's her birthday, not yours," Sanji reminded him.

And so, Nami opened her presents one by one on the soft green lawn as everyone watched her reaction with anticipation (except for Luffy, of course. He kept both eyes on the splendid cake).

"Oooh, thank you Robin!" Nami squealed as she unwrapped a star-studded blue sash.

"I'm glad you like it, Nami," Robin smiled.

"How pretty, Chopper!" she gasped as she opened the little cloth bag and pulled out a pearl necklace.

"Yay! And the oysters I got the pearls from said 'Happy Birthday' too!"

"More cola, Franky?" Nami said in a flat voice, a vein beginning to form in her forehead.

"You can never have enough, girlie," Franky nodded.

Nami didn't answer, as her eyes were glaring into the little pink gift bag that Brook had given to her.

"Sanji?"

At her side within miliseconds, he answered, "Yes, Nami-san?"

"Burn these, will you?"

"Of course!" he grabbed the bag, ran inside, then ran back out without a trace

of the bag in his hands.

"Yohohohoho!" Brook chortled.

"Um…thanks for the…uh…slingshot, Usopp."

"You never will know when it will come in handy."

"I guess. Oh, hey, I don't see a present from you, Zoro!"

He snorted, "I'm not wasting what little money you give me on you."

She chucked the slingshot at him, which broke on his head.

"All right, is that it?" Sanji called out, "Oi, wait a minute, you haven't given Nami your present, Luffy!"

"Eh?" Luffy looked up, still drooling from watching the cake.

"GET AWAY FROM THAT CAKE AND GIVE YOUR PRESENT TO NAMI!" he roared.

"All right, all right! I have to go inside and get it from my hiding place!"

"Fine, but hurry up! Nami is waiting!" Sanji yelled at Luffy after he disappeared inside. Ah, but it mattered little to Sanji what Luffy gave Nami, because Sanji was quite sure that _he_ was the one that gave her the best present out of all of them, and maybe later tonight when everyone was asleep, she would come to visit him on night watch…

And give him a little kiss for giving her the best present!

Floating in the air, he puffed heart-shaped smoke rings at the very thought of Nami's midnight visit. Then Luffy kicked open the boy's bedroom door and came out on the lawn carrying the most handsome Mute swan any of them had ever laid eyes on.

"Happy birthday, Nami!" Luffy said as he present the swan to her. It cocked its head and looked at her with bright eyes.

"Oh, wow Luffy!" Nami gasped. "It's beautiful, but why…?"

"The man at the pet shop said it can lay one gold egg a day!"

"Pah! I'd expect the pet shop owner to say that—" scoffed Sanji.

"I thought geese laid gold eggs," pondered Chopper.

Franky shrugged. "From the stories I've heard, it was the geese that laid gold eggs."

"The pet shop owner told me it could!"

"Maybe you should ask him, Chopper," Usopp said.

"Yes, ask him!" Brook said and leaned in closer to observe the pretty creature.

"Ok, um…swan?" Chopper stammered, "Is it true that you can lay one gold egg a day?"

The swan opened its beak and laughed, "One gold egg a day? I am Zeus, I can lay as many eggs as I want! And speaking of which—"

The swan jumped on Nami and grabbed her nape with his beak, knocking her backwards from the force of the jump.

"AIEEE! GET IT OFF ME!" Nami sputtered as the perverted swan tried to pull down her skirt with his webbed feet.

Chopper bit Zeus's neck, which made the swan let go of Nami's nape and gave Sanji, Luffy and Franky the chance to kick it off of her. Robin and Usopp helped her up and Brook pulled out his thin sword.

"You FOOLS!" the bruised swan honked, flying above them all. "I am the mighty ZEUS, who overthrew Cronus and—"

"Oni—" Zoro said softly.

"Eh? Why are you all just standing there like idiots? Have you finally realized that you must now worship the most powerful god in the universe?"

"—GIRI!"

XXXX

"Swan barbeque is goood!" Luffy cheered as he lifted up his plate. "I want more, please!"

"There ain't anymore," Sanji scowled, "that was all I could do for one swan."

"Thank you again for the swan-feather pillow, Robin!" Nami said before hugging the older woman. "You can use it whenever you want."

"Well, you should thank Zoro, since he was the one that brought the swan down."

Nami shrugged, "You were the one that broke its spine. Zoro just got blood on the feathers."

"What was it saying again, Chopper?" Usopp asked as he licked the sauce off his plate.

"Something about being called Zeus and being a god of the universe or something. It was really weird out of it."

"Oi, Luffy-bro, where did you hide the swan, anyway?" Franky asked.

"The cannon in the lion's mouth."

"WHAT?" they all shrieked.

XXXX

AN: I want swan BBQ now. Mmmm.


	7. Sand

AN: Actual dialogue is used from _Attack of the Clones _to show just how ridiculous the actual dialogue was as well as parody what Lucas thinks is "true love." I don't own anything from the Star Wars prequels because, frankly, who would want to? Even the profits are tainted!

XXXX

"We used to lie out on the sand and let the sun dry us, and try to guess the names of the birds singing," said Senator Nami as she leaned on the stone fence, a cool breeze tickling her bare back. She folded her small hands and focused her gaze on the sparkling lake, afraid that if looked into Jedi Luffy's eyes just once…

"I don't like sand," he told her as he rolled a bit of dirt between his fingers, "It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere."

He tossed the bit of dirt off the balcony. Another cool breeze wrapped around them and Senator Nami shivered in her halter-top.

"I like making sandcastles, though," he grinned at her, "Wanna make a sand castle with me?"

She blushed and whispered at him, "That isn't your line."

"I don't care anymore," he laughed and took her hand, "Let's go make a sandcastle!"

At first she was speechless, not quite sure if he was serious or not. But his laugh, his smile, they told her he was. She smiled back at him, "All right!"

And so the two ran off the balcony together and ran for the beach to make a sandcastle. Meanwhile, Director Spandam sat in complete shock in his director chair, loudspeaker still in his clutched hand.

"THE HELL?" he shrieked.


	8. Thorn

A/N: This follows after "Trap."

"Something doesn't seem right," Sanji mused, scratching his chin and pacing the gym floor, "First it was Nami giving Luffy tangerines, but now Robin and Brook…"

Zoro, lifting several-hundred-kilogram weights in each hand, looked up from his workout, "What about them?"

"For the last few nights I've seen them talking by her flower bed or having drinks at the aquarium bar."

"So?"

"It just doesn't seem right. " He pressed his palm on his forehead and said, "I think Robin and Brook may be up to something."

"Then why don't you ask them yourself instead of complaining to me about it?"

"Dumbass! I can't just walk up to them and ask what they're secret plans are. Unless…" A large piece of ash fell from Sanji's cigarette. Sanji's eyes widened with horror and he grabbed at the sides of his face, "What if Robin and Brook are having a secret relationship?"

Zoro cocked an eyebrow, "And you call me a dumbass."

"So you don't think they're having a secret relationship?"

"He's a skeleton."

"But he's a skeleton with an afro."

Zoro nearly dropped his dumb bells and stared at Sanji, who was now sallow-faced and his cigarette whittled down to its last ashes.

"You disappoint me," Zoro sighed.

"WHAT WAS THAT, MARIMO?"

"I said that you disappoint me because you've completely missed the mark."

"Mark? What mark? What have I missed?"

"Forget it. Go figure it out yourself."

"You better tell me shi—"

"ISLAND!" Luffy yelled so loud that his voice penetrated the entire ship, "ISLAND! ISLAND!"

Zoro put down his weights, stood up, and dried himself with the towel around his neck, "I guess we'll have to continue this later."

He walked past Sanji. The cook threw what was left of his cigarette on the floor and crushed it under his foot.

"You know what's going on, don't you asshole?" Sanji muttered as he continued to smash the cigarette.

The swordsman only paused his footsteps for a moment then climbed down the ladder out of the crow's nest. Sanji continued rubbing the ashes into the floor, even after they became a gray smudge on the metal floor. His brain buzzed like a hive of bees, stirred up and confused, not knowing where to sting.

XXXX

Ten kilometers before they even landed on the little green isle, they could all smell the sharp scent of gardenias. As they drew closer, they saw that the island was overflowing with pure white buds and blossoms, shrub growing on shrub, leaving no room for anything or anyone else of the isle.

"There's no town!" Luffy whined as he rocked back and forth on the lion's head.

"Pity," murmured Robin, her gaze fixed on the gardenias and selecting which ones would return on the boat with them.

Just as they landed, a little elderly man with a thick, blue beard and a large sack on his back waddled out of the shrub and waved at them all.

"Good day, good day!" cried out the man, "Welcome to my island!"

"Hi, old man!" Luffy called back and jumped off the lion and onto the beach, "Who are you?"

"Oh my, what a springy fellow! My name is Narcisse. And who are you?"

"Monkey D. Luffy!"

"I see. And those behind you are your crew mates? Well, why don't you all sit down and have brunch with me—"

Once Narcisse opened his sack and laid out the spread of dried fish and whale, fruits and wine, everyone was off the boat and ready for a light brunch.

"These flowers are beautiful, Narcisse-san," Robin said, "but where do you live among all these flowers?"

Narcisse laughed, "Well, I _live_ in all these flowers. I've made myself a nice little house by cutting a few roots in a few shrubs. As you can see, I'm small enough for it!"

Sanji then had to ask, "Then your food…?"

"When I first was washed up here, I had only one apricot, one apple, and one grape. I planted them further up the hill of the island where there was more sun. The land is very fertile here, and so now I have several fruit trees and many grape vines that grow on the fruit trees and the gardenias," he smiled at them all, "I suppose you all want to know how I got here?"

They nodded at once. The old man stroked his beard and started again, "I believe I washed up here about…three thousand years ago—"

"WHAT?" they all cried out.

"You must be joking, old man!" Franky said.

"Yoho! Even I'm not that old!" Brook added.

"Oh, but it is true. Over three thousand years ago, my captain and crewmates were trying to come home after a long and arduous war. We were punished for hunting one of the gods' cattle, and our ship was ravaged by a terrible storm. I ended up here, and the rest of my crew is probably dead. Well, they must all be dead by now!" he chuckled.

"But how come you're still alive?" Nami asked with her brows furrowed.

"Oh, well, that's quite simple. After I had settled myself, I had discovered a great big blue thorn on one of the gardenias."

"Are you sure it was a gardenia?" asked Robin.

"Oh indeed. Like I've told you all before, the soil here is very fertile. But it also does something very queer with the plants that are grown here."

Usopp, Sanji, and Zoro all dropped their dried fruits. The old man tittered at the three, "It's all right, those fruits are perfectly all right! In fact, they're the reason I've lived so long. Because you see, that thorn spoke to me, and it said, 'Pluck me from the vine and any wish ye have ye shall receive, prick me on your skin and too long shall ye bleed.' So I picked the thorn and asked for immortality. Then when I got much older and found another one of those thorns growing, I asked that I remain immortal so long as I eat my fruits."

"And that's the only time you've found the thorn?" Chopper piped up, already thinking of the many wishes he could have had with that thorn.

"Oh, I find them about once every five years."

"And you're still an old man?"

"I enjoy being old. Girls think I'm adorable at this age," he glanced at Robin and Nami. "The half-starved, ship-wrecked girls anyway."

"You mean—?" Sanji said, his nose spurting a river of blood.

"Of course, sonny," Narcisse answered with a sparkle in his eye.

"I WANT TO LIVE HERE TOO!"

"No way!" Luffy yelled, "Who's going to cook for us?"

"You can't all stay here anyway," said Narcisse. "That was one of my wishes too: that any other people who end up at this island will find a way off of it in one day. So by this time tomorrow, you too will leave this island. However," he smiled and clasped his hands together, "I am giving you all the chance to look for the thorn and make a wish yourself."

"Oh goody!" said Brook.

"COOL!" Luffy, Usopp, and Chopper shouted with stars in their eyes.

"Yes, but remember," now Narcisse looked as stern as stone, "if the thorn pricks you, you will bleed to death. So be careful, unless you want to waste your wish to revive one of your crewmates."

"Nar-san doesn't seem to like people too much," Luffy said as he stuck his head in another gardenia bush, "Isn't that weird?"

"Well, he's so old that he probably got tired of—DON'T STICK YOUR HEAD IN THERE LIKE THAT!" Nami shrieked at him and punched him the moment he pulled his head out, "DO YOU WANT TO BLEED TO DEATH?"

"Owwww! Sooorry!" he whined as he cupped his hands around the growing bump on his head, "But how am I supposed to find the thorn if I don't look into the bushes?"

"If Narcisse managed to do it, so can we. Come on, let's try to find it before everyone else."

The two continued to wade among the thick bushes and look behind the great white flowers for the thorn. As Nami was searching, a large butterfly with vivid red wings landed on a flower. Nami smiled at it and looked up to see other various butterflies and birds floating all around the island where the other teams were searching. Zoro and Sanji took the west side, Usopp and Chopper took the east side, and Robin and Brook took the south side. Nami sighed. At least Robin didn't have to worry about Brook getting pricked and bleed—

"OW!" Luffy shouted.

Nami turned around and felt faint at the sight of Luffy with a cut on his cheek. She stumbled over to him and grabbed his shoulder, "What did you do Luffy?"

"I-I poked my head into another bush and something poked me back."

"Where?" she demanded, her voice shaking.

He showed her the spot. Nami's fingers gently touched the bush and pulled back at the branches, until she found a foreign green branch with numerous white thorns.

"Wait a minute—" she said as she followed the branch with her eyes. She stepped further into the bush to find the source of the green branch until she found it, "Roses!"

Only two white roses peeked out of the gardenia bush, but a mess of branches from the rose bush entangled itself with the nearby gardenia bushes. Instantly the color came back in Nami's face. She called back to Luffy, "They're just roses!"

"Roses?" said Luffy as Nami made her way back to him, "So I'm not going to bleed to death?"

"No, but you should still clean it when we get back. You don't want it to get infected."

"If it's infected, does that mean I get sick?"

She finally got out of the brush, "Well, yeah. But you're a monster anyway, so I doubt you'd get—"

His skin was pale and glimmering from a layer of sickly sweat that clung to it. She didn't like how he clenched his jaw, like he was going to throw up.

"Luffy?" she whispered to herself, then asked him, "Are you feeling sick Luffy?"

All he did was nod once and stumbled backwards. She grabbed him by his wrist, which burned in her palm, and pulled him upright.

"C'mon, we're going to go back to that old man and see if he can heal you."

He took one stepped and collapsed on the next, dragging Nami down by surprise. She turned him over and gasped as his face turned to a pale green and his eyes rolled to the back of his head.

"Luffy!" she shrieked, "Luffy! _LUFFY!_"

XXXX

Sunset.

"It's because of you that we didn't find that shitty thorn!"

"Maybe if you weren't dreaming about ship-wrecked girls—"

"SHUT IT, MARIMO!"

"OI, QUIET DOWN, BROS!" Franky shouted at Zoro and Sanji as they reached the Sunny, "We don't need to hear your problems!"

Once the two were on the lawn of the ship, Sanji started, "What do you mean, 'we don't need to hear your problems'?"

"Something awful's happen to Luffy!" sobbed Chopper as he ran to Zoro, "Awful! Awful! Awful!"

"Eh? What happened?" Zoro tried to pry off Chopper off his leg.

"Nami…swan?"

Nami sat on the second step of the stairs with Luffy's folded clothes on her knees, stooped over her folded hands. Robin sat next to her with an arm around her. Sanji kneeled next to Nami and asked her gently, "What happened?"

Nami didn't look at Sanji, but opened her hands and showed him a tiny white rose seed, "Luffy's turned into…into this."

"A…a seed?" he gasped.

Zoro hurried over to the steps to see. Slowly, he said, "Is he still alive?"

Nami's eyes watered and she opened her mouth to say something, but Robin said it for her, "We don't know yet. We sent Brook to look for Narcisse some time ago, and we're still waiting for their return."

Nami closed her hands around the little seed again. It felt cool against her skin, but growing warm from the heat of her palms. She pressed her forehead against hands. Maybe she could talk to Luffy telepathically.

_Luffy, are you in there? Are you all right?_

Nothing. Maybe her hands were in the way of her thoughts.

"YOHOOO!" Brook sang out, "GUESS WHO I'VE FOUND!"

They all ran down to the railing to meet Brook and Narcisse, both of whom carried large, worn sacks.

"Good, you found him!" cried Usopp, wiping his eyes, "I wasn't worried at all that you wouldn't find him again!"

"Are you able to cure Luffy, Narcisse-san?" Chopper wailed next to Usopp.

"There's only one cure I can think of!" said the old man who dropped his sack. He opened it to reveal that the sack was full of soil, "Grow him!"

"GROW HIM?" everyone (except Brook) cried out, jaws clattering on the floor.

"Of course," said Brook, "Luffy's a seed now. So the only way to get him back is to grow him."

"But that could take months!" Robin pointed out.

"Well, like I've said before, the soil here does something queer to the plants. You know why there are so many gardenia plants here? They only take a few days to be fully mature and flower!"

"Are you sure it will even work?" Usopp asked, "I mean, have you ever been changed into a seed and then grown back?"

Narcisse stroked his beard in thought, "If I had, I don't remember. Then again, I don't really remember being born, so do I even exist?"

Silence, except for trill of a nearby nightingale.

XXXX

Day 1: After Disembarking from the Gardenia Island

"You know, Nami, if you give it too much water," Robin whispered in Nami's ear as Nami was watering the flowerbed were Luffy was planted, "you may drown him."

Nami dropped the watercan and desperately plowed her fingers through the dirt to take out the excess water.

XXXX

Day 2: A Tendril of Hope!

"Look at that," Sanji pointed at the green sprout poking out of the soil, chuckling to himself, "Luffy's the same color as Zoro's head."

Zoro merely grunted and continued his 1005th lap around the Sunny.

XXXX

Day Three: Luffy's Getting Big

"Look at that," Zoro pointed at the growing stalk, "Luffy's bigger than Sanji."

Sanji proceeded to chase Zoro for over 2,000 more laps around the Sunny.

XXXX

Day Four: Bulbasaur

Usopp patted the great flower bulb, which was larger than Franky's head, hair and all, "Looks like he's going to come any day now."

"I'll get the chocolate cigars," said Chopper.

XXXX

Day Five

Everyone huddled around the glowing white flower bud. Chopper, Sanji, and Zoro were ready with the medical bed to transfer Luffy into the sick bay. Robin and Franky nibbled on a chocolate cigar. Brook had his violin up and ready to play "Happy Birthday." Usopp and Nami stood at the side of the flowerbed and looking up at the glowing bud.

It stopped glowing. Quicker than any of them had imagined, the flower bloomed in seconds. Sitting in the middle of the bloom was Luffy, just as he was before he was turned into a seed. His eyes opened and looked at each and every one of his nakama with glossy eyes. He stopped at Nami and closed his eyes again. Then fell backwards into the sea.

"LUFFY!"

XXXX

"So, the swelling is going down?"

"Yes, but he's probably still contagious. You can just set that next to the bed and when he wakes up—"

"Who wakes up?" Luffy mumbled and lifted his hand to rub his closed eyes with, but yowled from the sharp pain of it. His eyes opened to see blood sticking on the thousands of tiny thorns growing from his skin, "WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?"

Chopper said, "Luffy, you're finally awake!"

Nami, sitting on a stool next to Luffy's bed, sighed with relief, "We thought you had really drowned on us at first."

Luffy, now sitting up, held his hands out, looked down at the tiny pricks all down his chest, and continued to yell, "What happened to me? What are all these things on me? Wait a minute…" he looked at his reflection in the mirror sitting on Chopper's desk, "THERE'S THORNS ON MY FACE!"

"It seems to be a side-effect after…after growing up from a seed," Chopper said swiveling back and forth on his chair, scratching the back of his head, "They're just a lot of hard swellings, but they've been going down. You should be good in no time. But, just don't touch anyone. We don't know if you're contagious or not."

"Contagious?"

"Yeah, so you need to stay in here until the swellings go all the way down," Nami nodded, "But look! I bought you something to cheer you up—"

"Awww, so I missed an island?"

"We're on one now—OH!" Chopper stuffed his hooves in his mouth.

"It's all right, Chopper. Luffy, if you stay in here until Chopper says you're well, then you can do whatever you want on the island."

"REALLY?" Luffy and Chopper said in unison.

"Yup," said Nami, "So you have to be good, Luffy. I bought this to give you a little incentive."

She put her shopping bag on her lap and pulled out several volumes of the newest _Detective Sterling_.

"NO WAY!" Chopper fell off his swivel chair.

"THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!" Luffy threw her arms around her and gave her a great, big hug and squeezed her as tightly as he could.

XXXX

AN: The moral of the story is: don't fuck with flowers


	9. Den Den Mushi

A/N: Follows "Thorn."

XXXX

Nami stepped out of the sick bay, the first she had done in days, and inhaled as much fresh air as she could.

"Ahhhh!" she sighed, "Now, where—is—_Luffy?_"

Several veins throbbed all around her face and neck.

"Well, I dunno if you're all the way cured yet!" Chopper squeaked and prodded her normal-looking wrist with his pen. "Yup, it looks like you still have some of those swellings on your hand. You wouldn't want to turn Luffy into a rose again!"

Nami whipped her hand away. "Don't worry, Luffy will be too dead to be turned into a rose again."

"Eep! Wait…wait Nami! Come back, you don't really wanna kill Luffy, do you?"

"Yes, yes I do," she said before running down the gang plank and into the beach city named Sàmoure. Chopper hopped into the sick bay and picked up the Den Den Mushi.

"Hello?" asked Zoro's irritated voice from the irritated snail.

"Zoro! Zoro, you have to stop Nami. She's going to go and kill Luffy!"

"I don't blame her," he answered as he made his 200th handstand-thumb pushup.

"WAAAH!" The gym's Den Den Mushi wept as Chopper did in the sick bay. "I DUN WUN LUBBY TO DIE!"

"He won't die, though he'll probably be near-dead after she does find him. If you're so worried about him, either stop Nami yourself or find Luffy and tell him to hide."

"But…but…"

"Now what?"

"Nami's scaaary."

Zoro couldn't help but laugh. "I thought you were a man, Chopper."

"I am a man!" The Den Den stiffened from hurt pride.

"Then as a man, you're going to have to deal with that witch."

"I will! Good bye!"

"Good bye, Chopper."

The Den Den fell asleep, only to awaken again in a few minutes.

"Hello?" asked the Den Den.

"What is it Usopp?" Zoro asked.

"Hey, Zoro. Do you know what happened to Chopper?"

"I guess he went after Nami."

Yowls were heard on Usopp's end.

"You all right, long-nose?"

Usopp held up his foot and blew on his big toe that got hit when he dropped Nami's Clima-Tact. Tears in his eyes, he replied, "All-All right in the workshop!"

"What did you need Chopper for?"

"I was going to ask him how Nami was doing—fine I guess, if she's left. Where'd she go?" He put an elbow on his desk and rested his chin in his hand.

"To kill Luffy."

"Ha! I don't blame her for still being mad at him."

"That's what I told Chopper."

"Speaking of which, Nami's hasn't really been getting that mad at Luffy a lot lately these last few weeks. Then she gave him those tangerines…"

"And?"

"It's weird, that's all."

"He has his ups and downs as an idiot."

"Yeah, well, there's something else there that I can't put my finger on."

"…Why don't you tell Curly-brow about it? He knows the witch better than I do, maybe he knows something."

"Sanji? Well, I guess, but wouldn't Robin know—"

"She's out with Brook. So your best bet is with curly-brow."

"I guess. Thanks, Zoro."

"No problem. 'Bye."

"'Bye," Usopp dialed the Den Den for the kitchen, "Hello? Sanji?"

"What is it?"

"I know this seems like an odd question," Usopp's wavering voice echoed in the kitchen, "but have you noticed anything about Luffy and Nami?"

Sanji's knife stopped mid-cut through the strawberries he was chopping, "What?"

"Well…Nami's been nicer than usual at Luffy…until now. Now she wants to kill him."

"He turned her into a shitty shrub!"

"Before that, though! Those two have been hanging out a lot more together than usual. Do you think that maybe—"

Sanji slammed his knife down and grabbed the Den Den, "LUFFY AND NAMI ARE ONLY NAKAMA, GOT IT? NOTHING IS GOING ON WITH THEM! NOTHING! AND IF YOU BRING THE SUBJECT UP AGAIN, I WILL BEAT YOU TO A PULP AND USE YOU FOR A SMOOTHIE. LUFFY AND NAMI ARE ONLY NAKAMA, AND WILL FOREVER BE NAKAMA!"

The Den Den's eyes bulged in between Sanji's fingers. Nothing more came out from the poor little communication device. Sanji dropped it and continued chopping strawberries madly. The Den Den rang once again.

"WHAT IS IT?" Sanji answered.

"Ow! It's only Franky, cook-bro. Is everything all right up there?"

"Fine."

"Really? Because I heard 'Luffy and Nami forever,' and—"

"GAAAAAAAAH!" screamed the Den Den in Franky's hand before it fainted. Franky poked it and said, "Cook-bro? Something happen? Huh."

Franky hung up and rubbed his chin, "I forgot to ask him to send down food. I know! Robin-sis is usually nearby Cook-bro! I'll give her a ring." And so he dialed her mobile Den Den Mushi.

"Hello?" said Robin's voice.

"Oi, Robin! Can you ask Sanji to send some food to my weapons' workstation please?"

"Oh, but I'm not on the ship. Have you tried calling him?"

"Yeah, but he's acting not-super. So…uh…where are you anyway?"

"Oh, I'm having coffee with Brook."

Robin took a sip of coffee during Franky's silence. Brook waved at the Den Den and said, "Hello, Franky-san!"

"He…hello afro-bro. I guess you and Robin have been hanging out a lot lately, haven't you? Maybe we can all have lunch later today?"

"I'm very sorry, Franky-san," Brook wiped his skull with his handkerchief, "But Robin and I had some private business to attend to."

Robin smiled, "Maybe some other time."

"Ah, I see…." There was another long pause on Franky's end, followed by some loud sniffs, "I'm not crying!"

"We'll make it up to you later, Franky-san!" Brook grabbed the Den Den Mushi, "We promise!"

Click. Franky had hung up on them. Brook sighed and set the Den Den on the iron table. A sparrow swooped by it and flittered among the other guests in the outdoor café. "The more we do this, the more I don't like it, Robin-san. Luffy was turned into a plant because of us!"

"I only made sure that they were paired up. I would have thought for sure that the pollen in the air would have made them delirious enough to do something."

"Isn't that poppies?"

Robin held her cup in mid-air. "Sorry?"

"I thought poppies in bloom made you delirious."

Robin set down her cup and balanced her chin on her thumb. She thought for a few moments, then murmured, "Damn it."

"Yohohoho! Well, you can't be right all the time, Robin-san. Which is why I think—"

"Hello, Nami," Robin said over Brook's head, "And who's that with you?"

"Id me, Lubby!" answered Luffy, who's entire head had swollen twice its size with bruises and bumps.

Brook turned his head and screamed at Luffy's beaten face, "What happened to you, Luffy-san? Were you attacked by some horrible wildebeast?"

Nami only giggled, "I just gave Luffy as big a hug as he gave me!"

"Bidder," Luffy added and wiped one of his black eyes.

"That's horrible!" shrieked Brook.

Robin pushed her iron chair back, "Well, since we're all here, how about we see a movie?"

"Eh?" the other three gasped.

"Why not?" Robin stood up from her chair, "There's a horror movie I want to see—it's called Zombie Frog."

XXXX

A/N: Nami's such a well-tempered girl, isn't she?


	10. Student

AN: All hail the Harry Potter Lexicon! And yes, Harry, Ron and Neville all got recruited to be Aurors at 17. I hate Deathly Hallows. *sigh*

XXXX

After the many booze-fests and all-night partying in celebrating the death of Voldemort, who was slain in the most anti-climatic end battle of all time, it was time for some serious business. Even though the world was safe from once-threatening Voldemort, there were still Death Eaters abound and scrambling to fill in the Dark Lord's shoes.

"We've been recruited as Aurors to defeat the Death Eaters, Hermione!" Harry said as he and Ron entered the kitchen of the Burrow.

"Surprisingly, you've been recruited too," said Ron, stuffing her already opened letter in her hand.

"What gives you the right to read my mail?" Hermione spat, then scanned over the letter, "Well, this is all wonderful, but I'm going back to school so I can be fully prepared as an Auror."

"YOU'RE GOING BACK TO SCHOOL?" Harry and Ron gasped.

"Of course! I'd rather rely on knowledge than deus ex-I mean, dumb luck."

"I didn't defeat Voldemort on dumb luck!" Harry said before shrinking under her disbelieving glare.

"Anyway," Hermione started again, "I'm going back to finish my schooling while you two help out with catching Death Eaters."

And so that following September, Hemione took the Hogwarts Express back to Hogwarts, rebuilt and refurnished. Hermione breathed a sigh of relief that at long last, life at Hogwarts would be an uneventful lull.

But of course, she wasn't aware of the new teachers hired to help accommodate the massive influx of students that year.

As she took an early stroll by the lake the first morning of the term, she noticed a new teacher surrounded by a bunch of third years, all holding a part of a gigantic fishing net. She came closer to the group, curious to see what was going on.

"All right, now!" the yellow-haired man took a drag, then pointed at three students shivering in bathing suits and an intertube around their middles, "You three are going to go out and attract the giant squid while we all net him in. Ladies, you can stand by and make sure the cutting knives are sharp."

"Professor!" Hermione cried out, "Just what kind of class is this?"

The man turned around and smiled at Hermione, "Mellorine! Another pretty student! I'll excuse you, even though you're terribly late!"

"I'm not apart of this class! And even if I was, I don't know whether or not I'd want to be in it. Just what kind of class is this? And who are you?"

"My name is Professor Sanji, and this is Care of Magical Creatures!"

"It's not very caring to dissect the giant squid!" Hermione said, eyeing the girls sharpening the knives.

Professor Sanji raised a curly eyebrow, "We're not going to dissect the squid. We're going to cook it."

"WHAT?" she screamed.

XXXX

The rest of the week for Hermione fared worse, for she had many new teachers. The new Potions master was a little reindeer who accidently made a potion that made him human as well, though he never bothered to try to change himself back. To his credit, Prof. Chopper was much nicer than Prof. Snape, though he had the tendency to hide and call girls bitches whenever they squeeled about how adorable he was. Then there was Prof. Franky, who taught Arithmancy. He took one look at the book that they were assigned for the term, closed it, and asked, "What's two plus two?"

"Professor, I don't think-" Hermione started.

"Four," answered another student.

"Good job, you get a free bottle of cola!"

At least her new History of Magic professor, Professor Robin, knew all about the history of magic.

"Can I have a volunteer to demonstrate the scenarios in which Voldemort killed his first victims?"

The room was as still as stone. Professor Robin blinked.

"Smith, come up please."

"Hey, I'm not gonna-"

"Now."

Smith bit his bottom lip, but he stood up and mumbled, "Yes, ma'am..."

As bad as she was, there was no one, _no one_ as worse as the new Defense Against the Dark Arts Teacher.

"Whenever a bad wizard comes at you, you just punch him."

"Oh, but Professor Luffy..." Luna Lovegood said dazily, "What if he casts the Killing Curse?"

"Then punch harder."

Hermione's last nerve broke at that point. She punched her desk and yelled-

"THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS!" she and an orange hair girl yelled togather.

"You can't just punch a Killing Curse! You can't punch any curse!" the orange-hair girl standing behind Hermione shouted, "It's impossible."

"Who're you?" Professor Luffy asked.

"Nami!"

"And you're a student?"

Nami's face grew redder, "OF COURSE!"

"Oh. Well, come over here and I'll show you how it's done!"

The room fell silent. Hermione turned her head to look up at the girl, who looked increadibly confused.

"You want me to what?" Nami asked.

"Come up here and I'll show you how it's done."

"I...well...okay."

Hermione and the rest of her peers watched Nami gather up her wand and walk to the front of the classroom. Luffy stepped a few feet away from her and told her, "Cast any curse you want, even the Killing Curse. I'll punch right through it!"

"This is stupid."

"Says you. C'mon, give me your best shot!" he lowered himself and held up his curled fists, "I can take it!"

Nami raised her wand with trembling fingers, then smiled, "I better not get in trouble for this!"

Hermione gasped, "Don't do it! You'll hurt him! You'll-"

But even she ceased to speak and leaned like all the other classmates to see if Professor Luffy was speaking the truth. He looked young, all about their age, but his immense determination and focus made him seem older, wiser. It entranced them all and made them wish that what he said was true.

"All right then! _Petrificus Totalus!_"

Instead of freezing like a plank of wood and falling over, Luffy punched the air so fast that they could hear the deafening _BOOM_ of the spell breaking on his knuckles. In a split second Luffy was still standing but Nami was crumpled on the floor with a bloody nose. The class roared with cheers from the amazing stunt, so amazing that they had forgotten about Nami, except for Hermione. Hermione got out of her seat and tried to squeeze pass the students that flocked towards Luffy, begging to know how he learned such a trick.

"He punched me," Nami muttered as she sat up, wiping the blood from her nose.

Hermione managed to squeak around the crowd and kneel next to Nami, "All you all right? You're not too terribly hurt, are you?"

"He punched me," she mumbled, her face glowing red.

"I know, I know. We'll go tell McGonagall...Nami, was it? Oh dear, let me get my handkerchief," she said at the sight of Nami's glassy, reddening eyes.

Nami took a great snort and pushed Hermione out of the way and ran into the crowd, "YOU PUNCHED ME, DAMN PROFESSOR!"

She plowed through the crowd and punched Professor Luffy in the face, knocking him to the ground. The crowd gasped at Nami's who's eyes were wide from rage and her teeth seemed to become like fangs.

"You punched a professor!" the crowd gasped. Hermione, who once again had to wheedle her way through the crowd to get to Nami, shrieked with horror.

"You kicked a professor!" the crowd gasped again. Hermione, who edged up into the front of the crowd, saw the horrific act and nearly fainted.

"YOU KICKED A PROFESSOR'S BALLS!" the crowd screamed before fleeing the scene, dragging Hermione along with them.

"You can't-" Luffy wheezed, flat on his back.

Nami squatted next to him and whapped him over the head, "That's what you get for punching me."

"It was an accident!"

She punched his stomach, "Accident or no accident, you still hit me."

"Oww! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"

"That's better," she smiled, "I forgive you."

"You should be the one apolo-OW!" he grumbled before getting hit on the arm.

"What was that?"

"N-nothing."

Nami sighed and pulled out her wand, "Well, I guess that was a neat trick you did today in class." She muttered a healing charm and Luffy's nose fixed itself like it was before, "Where did you learn it?"

"I came up with it myself!"

"Oh really?" she said, "If you want to fix the bruises, go to Pomfrey. I'm not any good at that sort of healing. Well, aren't you going to get up?"

The professor smiled, "I don't know who Pomfrey is."

"She's the school nurse! Didn't you two at least meet when you first came here?"

Luffy thought for a few minutes then laughed,"Probably, but I forget."

"Oh, come on," she groaned and helped him up.

"Naah, I don't need to get stitched up!" he punched his chest, only slightly cringing from the spot the Nami had kicked him, "See, I'm perfectly fine!"

Nami put on a weak smile, "Yeah, but I'm probably going to be expelled for this."

"And they'll probably sack me too!"

"Unless..."

"Yes?"

Nami's eyes gleamed as she smiled wickidly, "I have an idea!"

XXXX

It was a surprise both to Hermione and to the entire school that Professor Luffy was not sacked for hitting a student and Nami was not expelled for punching and kicking a professor in the balls. Even more surprising was that a rumor had gone around that the two's excuse for the whole affair was that it was preplanned to show students how the element of surprise was essential for budding Aurors to use when fighting dark wizards, but unfortunately, the class had left before the explanation was made. Still, Nami got a week's worth of detention and Luffy had to help Hagrid take care of the grounds for a week.

Several weeks passed, and one morning in the Grand Hall, a barn owl swooped past Hermione, making her jump in her seat and spit oatmeal, and flew over to Nami at the Ravenclaw table. Nami quickly took off the scrap of paper, blushed as she read it, wrote something on it, attached it to the barn owl again, and the bird flew to Luffy at the teacher's table. Luffy let go of the ten pieces of toast he was about butter to read and answer the message. The barn owl flew back and forth ten times before flying out of the hall when Nami had finished her breakfast and left the hall as well with Luna at her side.

Hermione stalked the two as they made their way to the library, catching bits and pieces of their conversation.

"...really cute, eh?" said Nami, who's face was still pink.

Luna nodded and answered, many of her words swallowed by the morning babble, "Good...nice...metaphor..."

They fell silent as they passed by an irritated Madam Pince grumbling at her new assistant.

"You're supposed to dust, clean, and guard my books from sticky finger prints, Mr. Usopp, not read them!"

"I swear to you that I will never do that again!" said Mr. Usopp with a hand on his heart and several books falling out of his other arm's sleeve.

Hermione hid behind a case of books and peeked at Luna and Nami, who were huddled over the scap piece of paper.

"What line should you add next?" Luna whispered.

"I can't think of anything that rhymes with orange. Why the hell did he put down orange?" Nami bit the end of her quill as she racked her brain for the answer.

"Maybe because your hair is orange?"

Nami smiled, her cheeks all rosy, "Maybe, I don't know. Or maybe he just like oranges?"

"No, he likes you a lot more than oranges."

Hermione's mind imploded at this sudden realization of what was going on. Thus, she did not put up a struggle when a Gryffindor student named Zoro and a Hufflepuff student named Brook wheeled her out of her hiding spot and presented her to Nami and Luna.

"Looks like we found a rat," said Zoro.

"Would you like me to modify her memory?" asked Brook, then he raised a finger and said, "No, wait! Let me ask to see her panties, and _then_ modify her memory!"

"Oh, it's Hermione," Luna realized, "Hello Hermione!"

Hermione said nothing, seeing as her brain imploded.

"Are you sure you haven't modified her memory already?" asked Nami, who waved a hand in front of the shocked girl.

"Nah, she's just in shock. You said that she was a prefect once, right Luna?" asked Zoro.

"Oh yes," Luna nodded, "I'm just surprised that she's like this, since I've been told she fancied Professor Lockheart when he still taught here."

"I DID NOT FANCY HIM!" Hermione shrieked, then she looked around in confusion, "What? Why? Where am I? What happened?"

"Oh goody, she doesn't remember!" Brook chuckled.

"Don't remember what?" Hermione's eyes fell on Nami, and the memory rushed back, "YOU! You're the one who...who..."

Luna put a finger to her lips, "Sssh, Hermione. We're in a library!"

Zoro pulled out his wand, "Well, I guess it's time to modify a memory."

"Wait!" Hermione whipped out her own wand, "I'm not going to say anything, tell anyone! I know how to keep a secret, I do! I just want to be sure that Nami is...and Professor Luffy..." She took in a great gulp of air and asked in a low whisper, "Nami, are you seeing Professor Luffy?"

Nami clenched the note in her hand and said, "I am."

"All right. Just wanted to be sure," Hermione said before fainting on the spot.

Omake:

"You look awful tired, Astrid," noted the great horned owl that rested next to the ruffled-looking barn owl.

"You would be two if you had to keep flying back and forth from table to table this morning."

"Geez, what was so important that you had to fly so much?"

"A word game."

"A...a word game?"

"Yes. Between Nami and that Professor Luffy. He wrote a line and then she had to write a line that rhymed with it, then she wrote another line for him to rhyme."

"Well, what did it say?"

Astrid the barn owl sighed, then recited:

_Beef, chicken, and takoyaki are so yummy_

_I feel like I have butterflies in my tummy._

_I see you laughing in the hall._

_Professor Hagrid is so tall!_

_It's breakfast time so time for eggs._

_All I have in my cup are dregs._

_What are you telling Professor Flitwick?_

_He can't beat me with his magic stick._

_Are going to class today?_

_I have no choice, okay?_

_I'd rather spend it at the lake._

_We'll fish all day and bring it to Sanji to bake!_

_He said he'd make takoyaki out of the squid._

_I'm sure that costs a pretty quid._

_You seem so happy this morning._

_That's because living here isn't boring!_

_Now I'm eating an orange. _"

The horned owl blink, "That was quite...tedious."

The barn owl huffed, "And that's why I'll peck both their eyes out if they make me do that again!


	11. Master

Big, brown eyes, but not so big that they looked buggy. Only about three feet tall. Wavy gray and white hair with black, folded over ears. Nuzzled his black snout in Luffy's hand, then licked it with its little pink tongue. Luffy patted the head of the stowaway dog.

"I bet you're hungry, dog!" he giggled as the dog licked his face in response. "I'm sure Sanji will fix you something to eat."

Luffy started up the stairs to leave the lower decks (he had used it as a hiding place while playing hide-and-seek with Usopp and Chopper), but stopped to check on the dog, which struggled to climb the third step. Luffy jumped down towards the dog and picked him up. The dog licked his face in gratitude and swung his head over Luffy's shoulder.

When Luffy emerged onto the lawn, Usopp cried out, "AH-HA! Found you—wait, what are you carrying?"

"Our new nakama!"

The dog swung its head around and seemed to almost smile at Usopp. Chopper, already found, ran by Usopp's side.

"A DOG!" they both cried and ran up to Luffy, then petted the calm creature.

"What's this about a dog?" said Nami as she walked out of the kitchen and leaned on the guardrail.

"I found him below deck!" Luffy called out, "Can you get Sanji to make him some food please?"

Ten minutes later, the crew congregated in the kitchen and surrounded the dog, who happily munched on the ground beef and chicken Sanji made for it.

"He seems like a sweet little mutt," said Robin as she watched the dog eat.

"Have you named him yet, Luffy?" asked Zoro.

"Eh? We're not going to keep that thing, are we?" said Sanji, already apprehensive about having a dirty dog in the kitchen.

"A pirate ship isn't a very safe place for a dog, Luffy," said Nami.

"He looks a bit old too," Franky pointed out, "And his legs look a little stiff. Maybe I can replace the old bones with steel ones."

"You can't do that!" cried Chopper, "It looks like he might have arthritis, though. I know a medicine that'll make it so it doesn't hurt him so much."

Brook shivered at the word 'arthritis.' Luffy, however, didn't listen and said, "I'm going to name him Stiff Steel Legs."

"THAT'S A TERRIBLE NAME!" they all shouted.

The dog barked and Chopper said, "He said his name is Whiskey."

"I like him already," said Zoro, who patted the dog's head.

"Whiskey!" said Luffy, "Whiskey, Whiskey! Shake!"

Whiskey stopped eating and held out his paw for Luffy to shake.

"When Whiskey's done eating, bring him to the sick bay so I can make him something for his stiff legs."

Nami sighed, "I guess we're keeping the dog, then. Luffy, it's your dog, so you're going to have to take care of it."

"Whiskey."

"Whatever. He looks like he's done eating, so you should take him to Chopper's."

"OK."

An hour later, Nami entered the sick bay for a bandage after pricking herself on a sharp branch as she was pruning her tangerine trees. Chopper was sitting at his desk and reading a medical book. Little Chopper-sized tears dribbled on the page.

"Chopper?" Nami said gently, but the reindeer still jumped in his seat from surprise. "What's wrong Chopper?"

Chopper wiped his runny nose and his watery eyes, but still they would not dry. "I'm sorry, Nami. I'm a man, I shouldn't cry about it."

"Telling me about it might help," she said and pulled the plush stool next to him.

"I—(sniff)—suppose so. It's about Whiskey."

"Is he really sick?"

"Well yes and no. He has arthritis in his joints and some gum disease, but I know how to treat those. It's just that he's…he's _old_ Nami. He told me he's going to turn fifteen soon, and that he can already tell that—" He buried his face in his hooves, "He can already tell that his time is coming. He said that he's always been a stray, and strays know when their time is coming. That's why he came to our boat. He said he didn't want to die in some rat hole."

Nami ran her fingers through her hair, not quite sure what to say. It was bad enough that the dog knew he was dying, but as for Luffy…

"Shake!" she heard him yell from outside, "YATTA! Good boy! Shake!"

He would be heartbroken.

"I wish we met him when he was younger, though," said Chopper, "Whiskey's been on all sorts of adventures and traveled a lot of the Grand Line by jumping from pirate ship to pirate ship."

"I thought you said he was a stray."

"He is a stray. He says that he just lives with people, and that he's his own master."

"He sounds more like a cat than a dog," Nami smiled at the thought of such an independent dog. Then she hopped off her stool and said, "I just thought of something."

"What's that?"

"You'll see in a minute. Stay here though, until I come back."

Nami left and returned a few minutes later with Whiskey, a leather notebook and a pen, locked the door, and no one heard from them for the next few hours.

XXXX

The medicine Chopper gave Whiskey had worked wonders on him; it was like he was a new dog. He would trot beside Luffy as he went to buy meat in town, wait patiently in the dining room for Sanji to give him a sample of whatever food he made, or roll around the lawn with the younger boys and give Nami and Robin some peace. At night, he climbed up every step up to the watchtower and slept by the feet of whoever had to watch for that night.

But after a few months, Whiskey was less inclined to leave the ship and would rather sleep at Nami or Robin's feet than roll in the grass. Gradually his nighttime visits ceased entirely and he slept deeply next to Luffy. He never seemed very hungry either, and politely refused the samples Sanji offered. A new feeling of grave anticipation weighed heavily on the crew, as could be seen from Usopp's giddiness and Chopper's occasional sniffs. Even Sanji and Zoro didn't seem to have the energy to fight each other as they used to.

Luffy, on the other hand, acted as if nothing was wrong. He happily hummed to himself and played tag with Franky and Brook all around the yard. One day, when the sun was pleasantly warm, he sat bow-legged on the edge of the lawn, looking out into the sea. Whiskey pushed himself up with some effort and hobbled along and collapsed in his lap. He let out a sigh and began to nap as Luffy rubbed his somewhat greasy belly. Whiskey stirred every now and again to stretch his legs, which made loud pops like when Luffy cracked his knuckles. And there they sat; long after the sun had set.

"OI!" Sanji called out from the kitchen, "Dinner time, Luffy!"

"Shhh!" Luffy said, "Whiskey's sleeping!"

"He's been sleeping all day."

Luffy ignored him and continued to rub the dog's belly. Sanji sighed and disappeared back into the kitchen. He came back out and placed a plate of food each for Luffy and Whiskey.

"He can eat his when he wakes up," said Sanji and he petted the dog's belly. "It looks like he'll soon be hungry enough to wake up soon."

"Thank you, Sanji!" he whispered and started wolfing down the food.

Sanji said nothing and returned to the dining room, where everyone else looked up at him with worried brows and stern faces.

"Luffy was eating," he said, scratching the back of his head with the hand he had petted Whiskey with, "And the dog's still breathing."

Everyone let out a sigh of relief and slowly started on their own dinner. Afterwards, Nami stole away out of the dining room and into her bedroom, where she took out a leather notebook from under her bed and took her flashlight out of her nightstand table. She stepped outside and into the warm night. Luffy and Whiskey were still sitting in the same spot.

"Do you mind?" she asked and sat down right next to him.

"No. Sit wherever you want. Just be quiet." He put a finger to his lips.

Nami nodded and turned on the flashlight and pointed it towards the leather book.

"What's this?" he asked.

"This," she said as she opened the book, "is a book that has all the great adventures Whiskey had in his youth. Chopper translated dog-speak and I wrote it down."

"I see!" he said and held the book with steady fingers, than handed it back to her, "Can you read it to me please?"

"Right now?"

"Yeah. Just keep your voice down so you don't wake Whiskey up."

A vein popped in her head and she repressed the urge to yell at him that her voice was already low. She flipped to the first page of the journal and pointed her flashlight at it.

"'I was born in a small mountain town from the North Blue…'" she began.

For the next hour and a half, she read about how he left his mundane life in the mountains by stowing away on a pirate ship headed for the Grand Line. From then on out, it was adventure after adventure of being chased by the pound, hunting dinosaurs for dinner, and seducing the most lovely purebreeds. When he was done with one island, he'd hop on a pirate ship and merrily sail away to the next and leave the crew forever. Though he loved humans and often sought their company, he would in no way allow himself to become too comfortable with them and therefore become the 'pet.'

"'I never chased cats because I had too much respect for them, especially those who owned whole neighborhoods. There was always the exception, but most cats saw humans as I did: animals like themselves, not masters.'"

Nami paused and took a breath. Then she noticed that Luffy trembled next to her, and she heard a distinct sniff. Nami's eyes lowered on Whiskey, but she couldn't tell if he was breathing or not. She bit her bottom lip and reached out to touch Whiskey's chest. His heart was still beating, he breathed deeply, and his body was still warm.

"Oh good," she mumbled, and she looked up at Luffy's face. He gripped his face with his hand as if he was trying to keep it from falling off. Nami opened her mouth to say something, but she closed it. There was no need to ask the question; she knew what was wrong.

She stoked Whiskey's belly again, closing the book in her other hand.

"Do you mind?" she asked and put an arm around him.

He shook his head and wiped his nose with his arm, then rested it along Whiskey's back. Nami reached over and continued stroking Whiskey.

A few days later, Whiskey died in his sleep, curled up next to Luffy in his bed. Franky built him a small boat where they laid him and all of his favorite foods inside. Usopp, Chopper, and Luffy all carefully lowered the boat into the sea while Brook played a soft melody on his violin. They all stood and watched the little boat bob in the sea until at last it disappeared.

A week passed, and the crew congregated in the library, where Luffy was reading the last page of "The Great Adventures of Ol' Whiskey":

_After my snag with the sausage man, I figured it was time to retire. I just was not the same pup I was a year ago, and I was frankly tiring of the same chase. So I sniffed around the port for a good boat, and snuck onto yours._

_I haven't known you all for very long yet, but you all seem like nice people. Especially the boy that found me. I can't tell you how happy I was that he called me a 'nakama' and not the P-word. By that alone, I know you will all be kind. I thank you in advance for it._

_Let's have a good last voyage, Whiskey._

And underneath Nami's neat handwriting was a black, inky paw print. Luffy closed the book and said, "Well, that's it then."

Then he broke into a great but sad smile, "Think he had a good time?"

No one said anything out loud. Instead, they smiled with him, whether or not they were weeping over the loss of their nakama.


End file.
